Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
