just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
