So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
When are your genitals available?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
