Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
