Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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