dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
