just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
