I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
