She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
