Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i love accidental penises.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
