Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
