Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
