It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
