Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
