grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
