Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
