just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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