Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
