You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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