Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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