Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Two words: nipple clamps
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