i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
