He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
