this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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