everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
