i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
