dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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