I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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