My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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