Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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