I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Slut skills are useful in every country.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
