'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
