I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
