found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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