Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
