Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
