i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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