My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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