I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
