Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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