Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize