So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
