how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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