Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
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