Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
