I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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