You're my little dorito
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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