If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
