I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
