I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
