Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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