drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
