smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
