they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
