This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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