I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
