I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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