Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
