I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
