Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
