just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
