Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
