he puts the penis in happiness.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
