I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
