: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
