his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
