i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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