Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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