btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
