You just made me feel so damn special
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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