He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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