My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
