Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
