I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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