I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
