I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
