So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
