Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize