Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
