What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
