you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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