I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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