We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
