i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
