Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
