On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
