Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
The air was thick with penises
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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