he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
