I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
