Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I didn't shave. On purpose
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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