one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
