Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize