some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
