A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am midnight drunk by noon
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
