And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
