the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
