Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
